People living in Mid & North Powys are now able to access a new bereavement support service thanks to Mid & North Powys Mind. We met Mary Griffiths, Development Manager for Mid & North Powys Mind and asked her to tell us more about the service.
What were the reasons for starting a bereavement support service?
Mid & North Powys Mind were approached by people living in our community, who had previously and very successfully, delivered bereavement support, who wanted to continue to do so under the Mind umbrella. They recognised the increased need for bereavement support because of the COVID pandemic and the need for this to be provided in a person centred way. Mid & North Powys Mind didn’t want our community to miss out on their collective 70 years of experience and we have been working hard together, over the latter half of 2021, to set up the systems and processes needed to support the service. We are very proud to be working with a highly skilled and dedicated group of volunteers, whose passion is the wellbeing of bereaved children, young people and adults of mid and north Powys.
What do you think the benefits of bereavement support are?
There are many theories on why we grieve, and the many unique and different ways in which a bereavement can affect us. Research on the various grief processes has produced models to illustrate the many different ways in which people move forward from a bereavement. There is no right or wrong way – just your way. Bereavement support gives people, including children and young people, the opportunity to talk in confidence to someone experienced in listening to people in distress. Some people find it a relief to talk to a stranger who can provide a safe non- judgmental environment in which to express and explore their feelings, thoughts and memories. Someone who can explain some of the things other bereaved people have found helpful when trying to understand and cope with their grief. People will often say that after a bereavement they were able to talk about the death to their family and friends, but as time passed they felt they did not want to 'burden' them for fear of upsetting them. Support can help you to feel ready to take small steps to move forward and find ways to take the memories of the person you cared for. with you.
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In what ways does bereavement support help our mental wellbeing?
The death of a loved one is something that everyone experiences at some time. Just because you are struggling with bereavement, doesn’t mean you have a mental health problem, but it does mean you are more likely to develop one, if you don’t reach out for help and support. Some people experience sleep disturbance, loss of appetite and energy, generally feeling low. Feelings of isolation are experienced, particularly when support from family, friends and work colleagues begins to disappear. Grieving is not an illness but unless it is allowed to run its course, it may bring risks to physical and mental health.
Research into the effects of a bereavement on children and young people has shown that a bereavement can have a profound effect on their mental health. Parents and teachers report the negative changes they sometimes see in the child's or young person's behaviour and in their school work. Sometimes they struggle to express how they feel and think in words and so bereavement support, particularly for young children, can help them to express themselves through play or creative work
What support is available as part of the service?
Free support is available on a one to one basis with one of highly trained and experienced Bereavement Supporters. Training includes over 30 hours of induction training on bereavement, additional safeguarding & mental health training, regular clinical supervisions and on-going continuing professional development. Our team of 11 volunteers between them have over 70 years of experience supporting people of all ages with bereavement. There is no limit on the number of sessions, but we find that an average of six sessions is enough to help people get back on track. We also have an on-going bereavement support group called ‘Good Grief’ (over zoom), where you can meet others currently struggling with similar things.
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Is there any criteria for the bereavement?
You are welcome to get in touch with us if the bereavement was a long time ago or if it was very recent - whenever feels right for you. It could be that you want to talk about one bereavement or the feelings you are experiencing because you have lost several loved ones from your life. It could be about the death of a person, a pregnancy, or pet you are struggling with, or even pre-bereavement.
Who can access the service and how do they do this?
Anyone can access Mid & North Powys Mind’s Bereavement Support Service, from ages 4 and above, as long as you live in mid or north Powys. Tel: 01597 824411 or email: martin@mnpmind.org.uk
There isn’t a one size fits all approach to grief or bereavement, how does your service meet the unique needs of each individual?
The range of bereavement experiences with which people seek support reflects death in all circumstances, including violent and untimely death, suicide, drug or alcohol abuse. Some bereavements are particularly traumatic and sudden which can result in the bereaved person feeling stigmatised, feeling shame and guilt, isolation, rejection. The service delivers one to one support, therefore Bereavement Supporters are able to tailor their approach to uniquely match the needs of each individual.
Some people may think that the best way to cope with grief is to have a stiff upper lip, what are your thoughts on this?
Many Western societies have a tendency to believe that showing emotion is a character weakness when it is simply a normal human response to loss. If you have not experienced a bereavement of someone you cared about, there can be a belief that grief is something you can easily get over easily and quickly. Sometimes sheer determination will get you through but everyone needs a little help sometimes and there is absolutely no shame in asking for that help. If you are struggling with grief, do contact us. Many people are surprised by how much better they feel with the opportunity to talk to someone.
Is there any advice you would give to someone who isn’t sure about coming for support?
Because each person's experience of grief is unique it can help you to talk to someone who is non-judgmental, and who can offer you the opportunity to begin to understand your grief and work with you to help you find ideas on what can help.
Some people find that having just one session is all they need to help themselves. There is no expectation that you may need more than one session.
Do you work closely with any other services in Powys or signpost to organisations who might also be able to help?
Yes absolutely. That is an integral part of what we do. We want people to get the best help possible and by working together and signposting to other third sector organisations, depending on the needs of the person, is the best way to do this. Bereavement Supporters also have access to a wide range of wellbeing and mental health support, available through ‘Mid & North Powys Mind.’
Are there any barriers that might prevent people from accessing your support and how do you work to overcome those?
Coming forward and asking for help is often the hardest thing. You are welcome to call us and talk it through, there is no obligation and the service is entirely confidential.
We also deliver informative talks about bereavement for local groups across Montgomeryshire, so if you are interested in this, do get in touch.
Powys is such a rural County and this can make it hard for people to access services, for all sorts of different reasons. Being physically isolated from family and friends can also cause feelings of isolation just when support is most needed. That is why we offer bereavement support face to face in people's homes, a neutral venue, over the phone or zoom, whatever suits the needs of the person. Support can also be delivered during the day or evening.
What impact do you think COVID has had on bereavement support services?
Much support has moved to on-line only delivery because of COVID, but possible future lockdowns permitting, we will deliver support in the best way to suit the needs of the person. Be that on zoom, face to face or by phone.
Many people haven’t been able to grieve in the usual way, what do you think the effects of this are?
Many people have been affected by bereavement during the pandemic and have found it very difficult to access timely bereavement support in our area. The normal bereavement process of coming to terms with a death, has been made much more difficult by fewer opportunities to visit loved ones; both before and after death. Feelings of guilt and anger can be common reactions to grief, particularly when your experience of a bereavement has been made even more difficult as a result of the social distancing restrictions placed on people. Many of the things that help are still limited - spending time with loved ones and returning to social and physical activities.
What three top tips would you offer to support someone with grief?
Friends, family, work colleagues, school friends may want to help you but they don't know how. You can help by explaining how they can support you. Perhaps you may want them just to listen to how you are feeling, or share memories of the person who has died with them. Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can be difficult times. Talking to friends or family in advance will help you to plan in advance how you want to spend the day.
Grieving cannot be hurried and so try to be kind to yourself by eating well, and if your sleep is disturbed, try to give yourself time to rest each day. Be kind to yourself.
Ask for help if you need it. If you are struggling with your feelings or thoughts because of a bereavement, you can seek support from either your G.P., or from an organisation which can offer you bereavement support, such as ‘Mid and North Powys Mind.’
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